After mass, he asked Monsignor how he had done it. Monsignor replied, “When I fear being nervous in the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.



The following Sunday, the new priest decided to follow Monsignor's advice. At first he felt nervous and took a drink. He started talking about a storm.




Back in his office, he found a note on the door that read:


– Sip the vodka, don't swallow.


– There are 10 commandments, not 12.


– There are 12 disciples, not 10.


– Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.


– Jacob bet his donkey, he did not “bet his donkey”.


– We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the “late J.C.”


- We do not refer to the cross as "Big T".


- The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are not called "dad, junior and the ghost".


– David killed Goliath, he didn't “fuck him up”.


– When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we don't say he was “stoned from his donkey”.


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