After mass, he asked Monsignor how he had done it. Monsignor replied, “When I fear being nervous in the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.
The following Sunday, the new priest decided to follow Monsignor's advice. At first he felt nervous and took a drink. He started talking about a storm.
Back in his office, he found a note on the door that read:
– Sip the vodka, don't swallow.
– There are 10 commandments, not 12.
– There are 12 disciples, not 10.
– Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
– Jacob bet his donkey, he did not “bet his donkey”.
– We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the “late J.C.”
- We do not refer to the cross as "Big T".
- The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are not called "dad, junior and the ghost".
– David killed Goliath, he didn't “fuck him up”.
– When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we don't say he was “stoned from his donkey”.