A company decided it was long overdue for a serious shakeup, so they hired a brand-new CEO with a reputation for being tough, efficient, and absolutely intolerant of slackers. From day one, he made it clear he was there to clean house.
On his first tour of the building, the CEO walked through a large work area buzzing with activity. Phones rang, keyboards clicked, and employees hustled back and forth. That’s when he spotted a young guy leaning casually against a wall, arms folded, looking far too relaxed for a Monday morning. Seeing an opportunity to make an example, the CEO’s eyes lit up.
He marched over and barked, loud enough for everyone to hear, “You there! How much do you make in a week?”
Without hesitation, the guy answered, “Two hundred bucks.”
The CEO pulled out his wallet, counted out $200 in cash, slapped it into the guy’s hand, and shouted, “Here’s your week’s pay. Now GET OUT!”
The room went silent. The CEO felt a surge of pride—decisive leadership, first firing complete. He turned to the stunned employees and asked confidently, “Now, does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”
There was an awkward pause. Finally, one worker raised his hand, gave a nervous grin, and muttered,
“Uh… he was the pizza delivery guy.”
Ralph came home drunk one night, weaving slightly as he kicked off his shoes and collapsed into bed beside his sleeping wife. Within seconds, he was snoring loudly, completely passed out.
Suddenly, Ralph found himself standing before the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked down at him and said calmly, “Ralph, you died in your sleep.”
Ralph nearly fainted. “What?! I’m dead? No way! I’ve got too much to live for. You’ve got to send me back!”
Saint Peter shook his head. “Sorry, Ralph. The only way back is as a lesser being—an animal.”
Devastated but desperate, Ralph begged, “Fine! Just send me back to a farm near my house.”
In an instant, everything went dark. When Ralph came to, he was covered in feathers, clucking uncontrollably, and pecking at the ground.
A rooster strutted by and eyed him up. “So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day?”
Ralph replied, “Not bad, but I feel this weird pressure inside—like I’m about to explode.”
The rooster nodded knowingly. “You’re ovulating. Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg.”
“Never,” Ralph said nervously.
“Relax,” the rooster said. “Just let it happen.”
Ralph did—and moments later, out popped an egg. He was overwhelmed with emotion. Then another egg followed. The joy was incredible. He felt proud, fulfilled, and strangely peaceful.
Just as he was about to lay a third egg, BAM—something smacked him hard on the back of the head.
Suddenly, he heard his wife yelling,
“RALPH! WAKE UP! You crapped the bed!”
Hope this version made you smile 😄