A taxi passenger leaned forward and lightly tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask a simple question.
The reaction was instant—and terrifying.
The driver screamed at the top of his lungs, swerved wildly across the road, nearly collided with a bus, bounced up onto the sidewalk, and finally slammed on the brakes just inches from a shop window. Pedestrians froze. Horns blared. The cab went dead silent.
After a long, shaky breath, the driver turned around, eyes bulging.
“Mate,” he snapped, “don’t EVER do that again! You nearly scared me to death!”
The passenger, pale and apologetic, stammered, “I’m so sorry. I honestly didn’t think a little tap would scare you that much.”
The driver sighed and rubbed his face.
“It’s not really your fault,” he said. “Today’s my first day driving a taxi.”
“Oh,” the passenger said, relieved.
“Yeah,” the driver continued. “For the last twenty-five years, I drove a funeral van.”
A Quiet House… Supposedly
A couple is all dressed up and ready for a night out. They call a taxi, turn on the porch light, cover their pet parakeet’s cage, and put the cat outside in the backyard.
The cab pulls up. They open the front door—
—and suddenly the cat bolts past them and sprints back into the house.
They panic. The cat cannot stay inside. It has a long history of attempting bird-related crimes.
The wife steps outside to the waiting taxi while the husband dashes back in, chasing the cat up the stairs. Wanting to avoid tipping off the driver that the house will be empty, the wife smiles politely and says:
“He’ll be out in just a minute. He’s gone upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband finally climbs into the cab, breathing hard.
“Sorry that took so long,” he says casually as they drive off. “The stupid hag was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her out. Then I wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me. But hey—it worked.”
The cab driver says nothing. He just stares straight ahead and drives.
City Driving Is Hard
A man visiting a big city for the first time stops obediently at a red traffic light.
When it turns green, he doesn’t move.
The light turns yellow. Then red. Then green again.
Still nothing.
After several full cycles, a traffic cop jogs over and knocks on the driver’s window.
“What seems to be the problem, sir?” the officer asks politely.
The driver shrugs.
“I don’t know,” the cop adds thoughtfully. “Don’t we have any colors you like?”
Taxi Drivers and Heaven
Father O’Flannagan passes away peacefully in old age and finds himself standing in line at the gates of Heaven. In front of him is another man.
St. Peter looks at the first man and asks,
“What is your name, and what did you accomplish in your life?”
The man replies, “My name is Joe Cohen. I was a New York City taxi driver for fourteen years.”
St. Peter nods approvingly.
“Excellent. Here is your silk robe and golden scepter. You may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Joe walks through the gates, stunned.
Next, St. Peter turns to the priest.
“And you?”
“I am Father O’Flannagan,” he says proudly. “I devoted sixty-two years of my life to serving the Lord.”
“Very well,” St. Peter says, handing him a cotton robe and a wooden staff. “You may enter.”
Father O’Flannagan frowns.
“Hold on a minute. That taxi driver got a silk robe and a golden scepter. Why do I only get cotton and wood?”
St. Peter smiles knowingly.
“We reward performance,” he explains. “While you preached, people slept. But while he drove a taxi… everyone prayed.”