Three women were sitting together over coffee, doing what proud mothers everywhere do best—bragging shamelessly about their children.
The first woman leaned back with a satisfied smile.
“My son,” she said, “graduated top of his class at Oxford. He’s now a doctor in Chicago, saving lives and earning $250,000 a year.”
The second woman nodded politely, then raised an eyebrow.
“Well, that’s impressive,” she said, “but my son graduated first in his class at Cambridge. He’s a lawyer in Los Angeles and makes half a million dollars a year.”
Both women turned expectantly to the third, who stirred her coffee calmly.
“You know my son,” she said. “He never did very well in school. Barely passed most of his classes. Never went to university at all.”
The other two women exchanged knowing looks.
“But,” she continued, smiling sweetly, “he now makes one million pounds a year in London, working as a sports repairman.”
The first two blinked.
“A… what?” one asked.
“A sports repairman,” she replied casually.
“You know—he fixes things. Hockey games. Football games. Snooker games…”
The River Crossing
One day, three men were hiking through the wilderness when they suddenly came upon a raging river—wide, fast, and clearly dangerous. They needed to get to the other side but had no idea how.
The first man knelt and prayed,
“God, please give me the strength to cross this river.”
Poof! God gave him massive arms and powerful legs. He jumped in, fought the current, nearly drowned twice, and after two exhausting hours, finally dragged himself onto the other bank.
The second man, encouraged, prayed,
“God, please give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.”
Poof! God gave him a sturdy rowboat. He paddled hard, nearly capsized a few times, but managed to cross in about one hour.
The third man watched all this carefully. Then he prayed,
“God, please give me the strength, the tools… and the intelligence to cross this river.”
Poof!
God turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, walked upstream a few hundred yards, and crossed safely using the bridge.
At Heaven’s Gate
Three men stood nervously outside the gates of Heaven. An angel greeted them.
“Gentlemen,” the angel said, “how you cross the bridge into Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your last partner.”
The first man stepped forward.
“I was married five years,” he admitted, “and I cheated three times.”
The angel sighed and handed him the keys to an old pickup truck.
The second man said,
“I was married eleven years, and I only cheated once.”
The angel nodded and gave him a Mercedes.
The third man stood tall.
“Twenty years,” he said proudly. “Not once. We loved each other completely.”
The angel was deeply impressed and handed him the keys to a gold Lamborghini.
The man sped off and soon passed the other two.
Hours later, the first two caught up to him at a roadside diner. To their surprise, he was sitting alone, sobbing uncontrollably.
One of them tried to comfort him.
“Hey, it could be worse. You got the best car. What’s wrong?”
The man looked up, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
“Thirty minutes ago… I passed my wife.”
He choked.
“She was riding a skateboard.”