The Second Appendix
At exactly 2:00 in the morning, the phone on Dr. Miller’s bedside table began to ring. Half-asleep and irritated, he fumbled for the receiver.
“Hello?” he mumbled.
“Doc, I’m sorry to wake you,” Jay said urgently, “but my wife is in terrible pain. Severe abdominal pain. I’m sure it’s her appendix!”
There was a long pause, followed by a tired sigh.
“Jay,” the doctor said, rubbing his eyes, “that’s impossible. I removed your wife’s appendix two years ago myself. There’s no appendix left to cause trouble. Go back to sleep.”
Jay apologized and hung up. The doctor rolled over, satisfied the matter was settled.
Five minutes later, the phone rang again.
The doctor groaned loudly. “What now?”
“Doc, I’m telling you,” Jay insisted, “it has to be her appendix.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake!” the doctor snapped. “Have you ever heard of someone having a second appendix?”
There was a brief pause on the other end.
“No,” Jay replied calmly. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of someone having a second wife.”
The Earache Instructions
A blonde mother rushed her baby into the doctor’s office, worried sick. After a quick examination, the doctor smiled reassuringly.
“Nothing serious,” he said. “Just an earache.”
He wrote a prescription for eardrops and carefully wrote the instructions:
Put two drops in right ear every four hours.
To save time, he abbreviated “right” with an R circled, a common medical shorthand.
A few days later, the woman returned—frustrated, exhausted, and carrying a still-crying baby.
“Doctor,” she complained, “the earache hasn’t gone away at all! And now my baby’s bottom is greasy all the time!”
The doctor frowned, confused, and examined the prescription bottle. The pharmacist’s printed label read:
Put two drops in R ear every four hours.
Suddenly, everything made sense.
The Miracle Arthritis Cure
Doctor Simon was famous all over London for his expertise in arthritis. His waiting room was always full, chairs packed with patients stiffly shifting and sighing in pain.
One afternoon, an elderly woman shuffled in, bent almost double, leaning heavily on her walking stick. It took several minutes just to get her seated.
When her name was finally called, she disappeared into the doctor’s office.
Fifteen minutes later, the waiting room gasped.
The same woman walked out briskly, nearly upright, head held high, smiling as if she had just shed twenty years.
Another patient whispered in awe, “That’s incredible! You walked in bent over like a question mark and now you’re standing straight. What did Doctor Simon do to you?”
The woman shrugged. “Miracle, shmiracle. He just gave me a longer walking stick.”
Natural Doesn’t Mean Safe
Doctors Dean and Gable were reviewing scans with a patient suffering from serious lung disease.
“We’ve talked about this before,” Dr. Dean said gently. “Your condition is getting worse because of what you’re smoking.”
“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “It’s natural. How bad can it be?”
Dr. Gable sighed. “Nature isn’t harmless. Apricot pits contain cyanide. Deadly. And there’s a plant in my back garden—if you sit under it for five minutes, you’ll be dead.”
That seemed to do the trick. The patient nodded solemnly and promised to quit smoking immediately.
Later that day, the two doctors went out for lunch. As they sat down, Dr. Dean asked casually, “By the way… what is that plant in your garden that kills you?”
Dr. Gable replied, “A water lily.”
The Appointment Cancellation
Oliver’s house had turned into a disaster zone. His wife, Amelia, and all four kids were down with the flu. After hauling the children back from the pediatrician, he made soup, handed out medicine, and finally turned his attention to his wife, who was miserable on the couch.
Worried, Oliver called her doctor’s office.
After explaining the situation, the receptionist said calmly, “I’m sorry, sir, but the doctor will be out of the office for a couple of days. The earliest appointment is in three days.”
Oliver exploded. “Three days?! My wife is sick now! She could be dead by then!”
Without missing a beat, the receptionist replied politely, “If that happens, sir, would you please remember to call and cancel the appointment?”
Joke : A man goes to see his doctor because he hasn’t been feeling quite right. He’s tired all the time, his joints ache, he can’t concentrate, and every morning he wakes up feeling worse than the night before.
The doctor runs a full battery of tests. Blood work, scans, the whole deal. After a week, the man comes back for the results.
The doctor sits him down, folds his hands, and says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
The man swallows. “How bad?”
“Well,” the doctor continues, “you have a very rare condition. It’s called Chronic Progressive Multisystem Failure. There’s no cure.”
The man’s face goes pale. “How long do I have?”
The doctor sighs. “About ten.”
“Ten what?” the man asks desperately. “Ten years? Ten months?”
The doctor looks at his watch.
“…Nine.”