A Prison of Inside Jokes
It was a man’s very first night in prison.
After lights-out, the cell block sank into darkness—except for the noise. Suddenly, his cellmate walked up to the bars and yelled,
“Number twelve!”
The entire cell block erupted in laughter. Men howled, slapped the bars, and stomped their feet.
A few minutes later, another voice echoed through the block:
“Number four!”
Again, uncontrollable laughter rolled down the corridor.
The new inmate leaned over, confused. “What is going on?”
The older prisoner chuckled. “We’ve all been here so long, we know every joke by heart. So instead of telling them, we just shout the number.”
The new guy nodded, feeling bold. He walked up to the bars and shouted confidently,
“Number twenty-nine!”
This time, the laughter was explosive. Men doubled over, some nearly falling out of their bunks, tears streaming down their faces.
When the noise finally died down, the newcomer asked, amazed, “Why was that one so funny?”
The old prisoner wiped his eyes and said,
“Because… we’d never heard that one before.”
The Great Jailhouse Escape
Three women escaped from jail: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
Police sirens wailed behind them as they ran. Thinking fast, the brunette spotted an old abandoned factory and led them inside.
As the sound of footsteps grew louder, the redhead whispered urgently, “Hide! Grab those potato sacks!”
They each climbed into one just as the police burst through the door.
An officer eyed the sacks suspiciously and gave one a kick.
The redhead whimpered softly.
“Hm,” said the officer. “Just puppies.”
He kicked the next sack.
“Meeow!”
“Just kittens,” he muttered.
Finally, he kicked the third sack.
“POTATOES! POTATOES!” screamed the blonde.
Text Message Trouble
A mother texted her son:
“Hi sweetheart, what does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?”
He replied:
“I Don’t Know, Love You, Talk To You Later.”
A moment later, she texted back:
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister. Love you too.”
Bedtime Stories
A father was telling his young son bedtime stories. His voice droned on softly.
Two hours later, silence.
The mother crept to the door and whispered,
“Is he asleep, dear?”
“Yes, Mommy,” answered the son.
Keeping an Eye on Things
“I told you to keep an eye on your cousin,” a mother said. “Where is he?”
The boy thought for a moment.
“Well, if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he’s out canoeing.
If he knows as little as I think he does… he’s out swimming.”
The Expensive Tooth
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the dentist said, “but I’ll have to charge you $100 for pulling your son’s tooth.”
“What?!” the mother gasped. “You said it was only $20!”
“Yes,” replied the dentist calmly, “but he screamed so loudly he scared four other patients out of the office.”
The Hearing Aid
A man bragged to his friend, “This new hearing aid is incredible. Cost me $3,000.”
His friend asked, “What kind is it?”
The man replied,
“Half past four.”
Modern Art
At a modern art museum, a woman turned to an attendant.
“This,” she said, gesturing, “is one of those hideous examples you call modern art?”
“No, madam,” the attendant replied politely.
“That’s a mirror.”
Pizza Economics
A central banker ordered a pizza.
When it was ready, the clerk asked,
“Should I cut it into six slices or eight?”
The banker thought carefully.
“Eight. I’m quite hungry today.”
Fat-Free Fries
I stopped at a fast-food restaurant advertising Fat-Free French Fries.
I ordered them—until I saw the clerk pulling fries dripping with oil from the fryer.
“Excuse me,” I said, “those aren’t fat-free.”
“Yes, they are,” the clerk replied cheerfully.
“We only charge for the potatoes. The fat is free.”
The Elephant Plan
“I wish I had the money to buy an elephant,” Tim said.
“What would you do with an elephant?” asked Tom.
“Nothing,” Tim replied. “I just want the money.”
Late for Work
A man arrived late to work.
The boss snapped, “You were supposed to be here at 8:30!”
The man blinked.
“Why? What happened at 8:30?”